^{3}/3. OK?" When the pessimist came back, he called the waitress over.

^{2}?" "X

^{3}/3" she slowly repeated and walked away. Then she turned around and said, "Plus a constant."

CHARITY OF THE MONTH - HEIFER INTERNATIONAL

In December I am riding for Heifer International. Founded in 1944, Heifer International works with communities around the world to end hunger and poverty and to care for the Earth. Its approach is more than a handout. Heifer provides animals (e.g., heifers, goats, water buffalos, chickens, rabbits, fish, and bees) and training to impoverished people in over 30 countries. The animals can give milk, meat, or eggs; provide draft power; or form the basis of a small business. Communities make their own decisions about what crops, animals, and market strategies make sense for their everyday conditions and experiences.

Heifer International is based on 12 Cornerstones, such as Sustainability; Genuine Need and Justice; and Gender and Family Focus. Perhaps the best known Cornerstone is Passing on the Gift, in which Heifer recipient families pass on the offspring of their animals to others in need. In this way, whole communities can raise their standard of living.

A donation to Heifer International also can make a wonderful alternative holiday gift. Instead of yet another sweater for Grandma that she really doesn’t need, why not donate a Heifer animal or a share of an animal in her honor? Does your child really need so many new toys? Instead of five new toys, give him/her three new toys and a Heifer flock of chicks. Heifer has honor cards to let your loved ones know of your gift on their behalf.

I have set up a Team Heifer page to support Heifer International through A Year of Centuries. My goal is to raise $500. Please make your donation through https://teamheifer.heifer.org/AYearofCenturies. If you would like more information about Heifer’s work, please visit www.heifer.org. Whether you give to honor a loved one or make a regular donation, thank you for taking steps to transform the world for the better.

An
engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were out game hunting. The engineer spied a bear in the distance, so
they got a little closer. "Let me
take the first shot!" said the engineer, who missed the bear by three
meters to the left. "You're
incompetent! Let me try," insisted
the physicist, who then proceeded to miss by three meters to the right. "Ooh, we got him!!" said the
statistician.

Engineers
want to be experimental physicists.

Q:
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?

A:
To get to the other ... er, um ...

An
evil psychiatrist kidnaps a chemist, an engineer, and a mathematician to see
how their minds work. He locks them in
separate cells with a year supply of canned beans and leaves. When he comes back in a year to check on his
prisoners, he finds:

•
The chemist had collected rainwater to corrode the cans of beans so he could
eat them.

•
The engineer had taken apart his bed and made a crude can opener out of the
parts.

•
The mathematician was slouched on the floor, long since dead. Written in blood
beside the corpse read the following:

Theorem:
If I don't eat the beans I will die.

Proof:
Assume the opposite and seek a contradiction.

Two
mathematicians went out to lunch. Over
lunch, one complained that most people don't understand even basic math. The other took a more optimistic view. A short time later, while the pessimist was in
the bathroom, the other called the waitress over. "I am going to call you over in a few
minutes," he explained, "and I am going to ask you a question. I want you to answer X^{3}/3.
OK?" When the pessimist came back,
he called the waitress over.

"Look,
I'll prove people understand math better than you think. OK, young lady, what is the integral of X^{2}?"
"X^{3}/3" she slowly
repeated and walked away. Then she
turned around and said, "Plus a constant."

An
engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in
area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square
fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution.

"No, no," says the physicist,
"there's a better way." He
takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the
maximum possible space with the given material.

Then
the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to
construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:

"I
define myself to be on the outside."

Experimental
physicists want to be theoretical physicists.

Theoretical
physicists want to be mathematicians.

Mathematicians
want to be philosophers.

Philosophers
want to be theologians.

Theologians
want to be engineers.

My
mother is a mathematician, so she knows how to induce good behavior. "If I've told you n times, I've told you
n+1 times...."

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.

"Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."

"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black."

"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!"

A mathematician wandered
home at 3 AM. His wife became very
upset, telling him, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!" The mathematician replied, "I'm right on
time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."

Teacher: "What is seven
Q plus three Q?"

Student: "Ten Q"

Teacher:
"You're Welcome."

An
architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to
spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the passion
and mystery he found there. The engineer
said, “I like both.” “Both?” the others
asked. The engineer replied, “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done.”

Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)

## No comments:

## Post a Comment